These Words (I love you)
by Caroline Mason
Summary: Dave and John met in a teen therapy group, Dave for depression and cutting and John there for recovery from abuse from his dad. The boys quickly connect and fall in love. Things seem perfect. but before too long, things go from heaven to hell. How will their relationship handle through the rocks, and will they be able to recover from what sent them to the therapy group?
1. Chapter 1

a/n: just a few notes before this story begins! if you're here, you may have read my other johndave fic Hatecrush (if not you can find it on my profile), so if you are familiar with Hatecrush, this fic is drastically different. to start, i began writing this as a side fic to Hatecrush so this fic has significantly shorter chapters, as you will obviously see. it's also far more intense and serious than fluff and funnies. throughout this story there will be **mentions of depression, cutting, and abuse** so if any of those are triggering for you, **i warn you to read with discretion**. i'll always have a note at the top here when a chapter will contain lots of triggering stuff. i'd also like to apologize for inconsistencies like if it's in past or present tense, like i said i wrote this as a side project so it's pretty imperfect. that's all for now, so thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy c:

John and Dave meet in group therapy. Dave's there because his bro is never around and he got depressed and his bro found him cutting; John is there because his dad is abusive and thinks John has depression problems because he cries a lot and doesn't talk much. In the first meeting, John shows up just as its starting, late because he had trouble with his dad. He walks in sniffling with tear stained cheeks and a red mark on his cheek. The only seat open is next to Dave so he sits down without a word and the session starts.

The therapist breaks them into pairs to start small and says for them to tell each other why they're here and then after a certain amount of time, they'll go back to their seats and say one thing they learned about each other. Dave and John are paired together and they sit off away from the others in a corner. They're silent at first but then Dave asks John why he's here.

"My dad is a huge douche bag," he says.

"Is that why you came in crying and with that mark on your face?" Dave asks.

John nods and leans against the wall. "How about you?"

"My bro caught me cutting," he says and pushes his sleeves up to show John the few scars and the cuts that are still red and recent. John looks at the marks and feels a pang in his chest even though he'd just met this boy. He reaches over and takes Dave's arm and kisses one of the recent cuts gently.

Dave blushes and waits until John lets go of his hand and leans forward and kisses his red cheek. John blushes too and they smile a little at each other.

They start talking about little things about each other and when time is called, they go back to their seats. When it's their turn, John says he learned that Dave likes to dj and John says that he learned John can play the piano.

After the session, the boys go out to McDonald's and get lunch together, talking about stuff the whole time. Soon though, it starts getting dark and they have to go home. They trade numbers and chumhandles and make arrangements to hang out the next day.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, the boys meet up at a local park and hang out together, having nice conversations about little things and nothing and things about their pasts.

Dave tells John about how his bro is really cool and stuff but he's never around and how Dave's practically alone all the time. John tells him he can relate because he's homeschooled and he's always alone except his dad is there sometimes. He tells him that his mom left when he was little so his dad always blamed him and abused him a lot because of it. Dave says he only ever had his bro and doesn't know if his bro is his dad or if they're brothers and don't have parents because his bro always said it was better if he didn't know.

They lay in the grass together somewhere under the shade of a tree and look up at the clouds. They talk about school and Dave asks if John's always been homeschooled. He tells him that when he was younger he went to public school, but around the beginning of middle school his dad made him switch and he's been homeschooled ever since. Dave tells him he goes to the bigger public school in town and it's dumb and he wishes he could be homeschooled with John. John tells him it's really lonely, and he's only made one friend out of it.

After a while, they lay there in a comfortable silence. John suddenly asks about the shades, and Dave responds because they make him cool and ironic and jumps a little when John bursts out laughing. Dave turns his head and watches John roll onto his side in laughter and starts laughing himself. After they calm down, they look at each other smiling.

"Hey Dave?"

"Yeah John?"

"I really like you."

"I really like you too."


	3. Chapter 3

After that day, John and Dave were near inseparable. They hung out almost every day and always sat together at the group therapy.

At the last group therapy before they took a month long break over the Christmas and New Year holidays, everyone was told to stand up and say one positive thing they'd gotten so far out of the sessions. When it gets around to John and Dave, Dave is first. He stands and says that he hadn't cut since the day before the first session. John stands up and says he got a new best friend.

After the session, Dave and John went to Starbucks to get hot chocolate since it was snowing and freezing outside. Once they'd gotten their drinks and sat down, Dave looked at John and told him he wanted to be more than friends and asked him to be his boyfriend. John was so excited he actually squeaked a yes and almost threw himself over the table to hug Dave. Dave smiled and hugged him back and kissed the brunette when they pulled apart. They heard someone nearby go "Awww" and pulled apart, blushing.

For Christmas, Dave and John had the early holiday dinner stuff with their families and then met up afterwards to go out to dinner together. They went to a fairly nice restaurant and laughed at each other's ugly Christmas sweaters they'd intentionally worn to sort of match because they were both dorks. As they were waiting for their food, they decided to exchange gifts. John had gotten Dave new red and black headphones and a few CDs the blond had mentioned he'd wanted. Dave had gotten John a rubber bracelet that he'd gotten specially made to say " nic cage #1 fan", a hoody with a sweet blue swirly symbol on it, and a mix CD he made of some of his sweet beats and some songs they both liked. They kissed each other over the table and looked at their gifts. John read over the list of songs that Dave and John both liked he'd put on the CD and smiled.

"Natasha Bedingfield?"

Dave smirked. "Totally man, she's great."

John laughed a little. "I love this song!"

"Me too."

"We should go to my house later and listen to this after dinner." Dave smiled and nodded in agreement.

And they did just that. They ate and shared a chocolate cake for desert and went to John's house afterwards. John showed his dad the sweater and wristband when they got to his house before leading Dave up to his room.

Dave plopped down on John's bed as the brunette put the CD in his computer and played the song.

"Oh man, I love this song so much!" he said, grinning at Dave.

Dave smiled back. So do I. It's like one of my favourite songs"

"You're such a geek," John said laughing a little. He lay on his bed next to Dave and kissed him, pulling away after a moment of kissing. Dave started singing along with the chorus and John joined him, smiling and trying not to laugh. He looked at Dave and smiled at how cute his boyfriend was, singing obviously not on key on purpose to be cute. He held Dave's hand and they smiled at each other, just happy to be with each other.


	4. Chapter 4

a/n: trigger warning! this chapter contains abuse!

As funny and ironic as it was, New Year's was Dave and John's one month anniversary. They decided to go to the ball dropping festival downtown together for the New Year's countdown.

John's dad had gone out of town for new years and wouldn't be coming back for a few days after. Dave's bro was out of town visiting his boyfriend. Dave and John had been sleeping over at John's house for the past couple days that bro had been out of town and the boys had planned to just stay at John's house for the remainder of the time they could.

On New Year's Eve, the couple left John's house and walked downtown to a coffee shop, getting hot chocolate and sitting close together on a bench outside while they waited for it to get closer to midnight. They leaned against each other and held hands and kissed as the time went by at a comfortable pace.

Soon it was ten till and they stood near a music shop that was playing music as much of the town mulled around the square where the ball would be dropped. They stood on a bench together to see over the crowds and spotted the huge display with the ball at the top.

They sung along to the songs they knew and as the clock turned to 11:59pm, John and Dave happily belted out the words to Natasha Bedingfield and joined the crowd as everyone counted down from ten with the music still playing.

_These words are my own, from the heart flow..._

"THREE, TWO, ONE."

John looked at Dave as the chorus of the song joined the crowd saying 'one'.

"I love you," he said, not even sure if Dave heard it, and pressed his lips to Dave's as it turned to the New Year.

Dave, surprised by John's words and then again by the sudden kiss, felt warmth spread from his lips to his fingers to his toes and everywhere in-between. He threw his arms around John and held him close, keeping their lips together and smiling a bit into it.

John kept his arms wrapped tight around Dave's torso and smiled when Dave threw his arms around him. After who knows how long, they pulled apart, breathless with pink cheeks and goofy grins on their faces.

People clapped and cheered and kissed and danced to the new music. John and Dave hung around together a little more before making their way out and back to John's house. Once there, they went up to John's room together, keeping their hands together and not letting go until they were in his bedroom, kissing again, and pulling each other's jackets off.

They undressed each other in a mix of careful slowness and eager quickness, tearing each other's shirts off, but taking time to strip the other of his jeans. Soon they were both in their underwear, cuddled together under John's blankets, having decided to wait to go further.

Dave looked up at John and smiled, his red eyes glowing like the rest of himself in happiness.

"Hey John?"

"Mm?"

"I love you."

John turned his head and smiled back at Dave, kissing his lips once and burying his face in the crook of Dave's neck. "I love you too."

They fell asleep not too long after that, both falling into a peaceful sleep.

However, morning came too soon. And with the morning, came a most unpleasant surprise.

Dad Egbert stood frozen with shock and fury at the sight of his son and Dave almost naked in bed together. The clothes piled everywhere gave him the wrong idea of what had gone on that night, but nothing would have soothed his anger. He rushed over and grabbed John by the arm, so harshly that it woke the brunette up, and seeing as they were so close, Dave woke up too. Dad Egbert pulled John off the bed and shoved him onto the floor with a loud thump.

"D-dad! What-" John tried to form words with his groggy brain, but he was cut off by a sharp slap to the face that made him fall over a little.

"John!" Dave sat up and immediately started to throw himself between them. He pushed his weight against John's dad to try to push him over, but only made him stumble and made him madder. The father shoved Dave aside and began to kick and slap John.

Dave was thrown into the wall, and tried to stay still while he saw doubles. Everything began to focus and Dave heard John screaming for him to leave and to get out. Dave couldn't leave, but he had to do something. He remembered that John had a landline phone downstairs and grabbed his shades off the nightstand and his pile of clothes and rushed out and into the kitchen. He quickly dialed 911 and said in his best calm voice that his boyfriend was being attacked and abused by his dad and said his address. He started getting hysterical and shouted for them to bring police and an ambulance and started to cry.

"Please, please they have to hurry! He's beating him; he's going to really hurt him, please!"

"Sir, please calm down-"

"I love him, and he's being beaten and I can't calm down! They need to hurry. Please, please, oh god. No, no, no."

He heard a pause in the noise upstairs and told the operator he was going to see if they'd stopped, even though the operator said the police and ambulance would be there soon.

Dave set the phone down and pulled on his jeans quickly and rushed up the stairs. He stepped into John's room to see his boyfriend laying down, bleeding and bruised and with his eyes barely open, staring at his dad who was taking his belt off and looping it in his hand. Dave ran over and stood in front of John, receiving a quick slap to the chest from the belt. His stomach felt on fire and he stumbled back. He heard dad Egbert say something but just got down on his knees and tried his best to block John. He heard the sirens outside and got hit with the belt again, and once more before the police ran in and told Johns dad to stand down and back away.

Dave looked at John and saw his eyes closed and felt panic swell in his chest. 'No, no, no. Oh god, oh god, oh god, no. John wake up, wake up,' he thought frantically, pulling his boyfriend up and holding him close, his tears coming all over again.

People started trying to pull him away, and he fiercely refused to let them touch John until he saw it was the paramedics. He let them put John on a stretcher and followed them out of the room and grabbing his clothes pile and shades before rushing into the ambulance with them and John.


	5. Chapter 5

In the ambulance, Dave let one of the paramedics look at the welts on his back and chest from the belt, but he barely noticed. He just watched the other one caring for John. Dave didn't notice when he started to cry again but he just held John's hand and held it to his cheek, silently begging John to wake up and be okay. The one who was cleaning and bandaging John reached over and put a hand on Dave's shoulder. The blond looked up at the man, not caring about how pathetic he looked or how uncool and unironic he was without his shades.

"He's gonna be okay, kid, don't worry," the medic said, waiting until Dave nodded to continue with John.

As they neared the hospital, the second medic who had put light bandages on Dave's back and chest told Dave he should put on whatever clothes he'd brought because it was snowing outside. He looked at his pile and saw he had his shirt, his jacket, his shoes, and John's shirt. He pulled up John's to put it on and saw his shades underneath it. He picked them up, confused, and looked aside at the glasses he'd brought he thought were his shades. He picked them up and felt relieved that he'd picked up John's glasses on accident. He pulled his jacket on and his shades and shoes and put John's glasses in his jacket pocket carefully. He folded his shirt and held it when they got to the hospital.

The paramedics had put two blankets over John and carefully took him out of the vehicle after Dave hopped out. He hurried into the building with them and followed them until they got to a hallway full of doors with rooms for patients. He almost got to the door before a nurse stepped out in front of him.

"The doctor is going to look at him, but you can't go in there n-"

"No. No, I have to stay with him, please."

"Sir I'm sorry but I can't let you right now-"

"No, I can't leave him! I need-"

"You need to calm down." Dave stopped protesting and broke down into tears again, ducking his head down and putting his head in his hands. All he wanted was to be with his boyfriend and be back to last night when everything was perfect.

The nurse put her arm around his shoulder comfortingly and gently led him into a small waiting room and sat down with him.

Dave hugged his knees in the chair and sniffled and coughed, trying to calm down and catch his breath. The nurse rubbed his back gently and asked him if he wanted to talk about what happened. Dave shrugged and tried to tell her everything through sniffles and hiccups. He started to tear up again and stopped after he told her when the cops came.

The nurse handed him a box of tissues and told him she would go get him a cup of water. When she came back, Dave was curled up in his chair, leaning against the wall the chair's side was to, fast asleep. She saw him holding a shirt and a pair of glasses in his hand and set the water on the table next to him, going to the room to check on his boyfriend.


	6. Chapter 6

a/n: trigger warning! this chapter contains **cutting/mentions of cutting/mentions of abuse**!

When John woke up, everything was really bright and he shut his eyes again. His first thought was "I must be in heaven because no earthly place could be that freaking bright. He must have finally done it." Then he realized that for it to be heaven, Dave had to be there. He opened his eyes slowly and had to blink a few times before he could really see anything. He felt his whole body ache and tried to remember what had happened. It all had happened pretty fast, and he was half asleep at the time.

He remembered his dad shouting at him, and he remembered being punched and kicked and he hit his head. And Dave... Dave had tried to help him. Oh no had his dad hurt Dave too? John had to find him; he had to make sure his boyfriend was okay.

He started to sit up, but as he did, he discovered a weight on his arm that moved as soon as he did. He looked over to see Dave sitting up with his shades on his head and his eyes wide and... Was he wearing his shirt? John noticed Dave's cheeks were red and he realized that his boyfriend had been crying.

"Dave? Are you-?"

Dave stood and threw his arms around John, pressing his lips to the brunette's. He felt John kiss him back and tried not to start crying again.

It felt like they'd only been kissing for a moment before someone carefully pulled Dave back. He stared at the nurse who had talked to him earlier. She looked at John after they were apart and put a hand on his shoulder.

"You need to rest Mr. Egbert, or lie down at least," she said. John looked at her, confused, but lay back down. "How are you feeling?"

"I- I don't know," John said slowly.

"Can you just give us a few minutes?" Dave said to the nurse, a hint of desperation in his voice. She looked at him and nodded, quietly leaving and closing the door behind her.

"Dave what happened?"

"I'm so glad you're okay," Dave said, leaning over and putting his forehead to John's and kissing his lips once.

"Are you okay though?" John lifted his hand and placed it on Dave's tearstained cheek. "Why have you been crying?"

"You've been out for two days," Dave said quietly. "I was so afraid you wouldn't be okay."

John put his arms around Dave and pulled him down so their chests were touching. Dave made a noise when John held his back, and instantly regretted it. John let go and pushed Dave up by his shoulders.

"He hit you; he hit you with his belt. I remember," John said, looking at Dave's chest that was clothed in John's shirt. "Let me see."

"John-"

"Let me see, Dave."

Dave sat next to him on the bed and first handed John his glasses from the bedside table then stripped the shirt off. The marks had gone down in swelling and were just bright red thick lines against Dave's pale skin. John saw a thick bandage around Dave's arm and looked at it after examining the marks on Dave's back and chest.

"What happened to your wrist?"

"Please don't look," Dave said quietly. John did anyway though, and felt sharp pains everywhere in him when he saw several cuts that were very recent.

"Dave, I don't-"

"I didn't want you to be the only one who was hurting," Dave muttered. He felt tears in his eyes again. He'd been so upset after John hadn't woken up the first night, and he'd just found something sharp in the room and started to cut. If John had to go through that pain and torture from his dad, then Dave had to hurt too. He felt ashamed now because he knew he'd been thinking irrationally. "I'm s-sorry."

John looked up, seeing Dave ducking his head so his fringe fell and hid his eyes. John reached up and put a hand on Dave's cheek, feeling several new tears on his cheeks.

Dave put his hand on John's and looked down at him. He leaned over and kissed him for a brief moment before pulling back. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Dave."

Soon, a doctor came in to check on John. Dave stayed at his side while the doctor questioned John about how he was feeling and such. When he was finished, he told John to tell a nurse if he was in pain and they'd get him some meds to help. He left and Dave looked at John.

"Are you in pain or anything?"

John shook his head and motioned for Dave to come closer. "I want you to lay with me. Help me move over."

Dave nodded and very slowly and carefully helped John scoot a little so Dave had enough room to lie next to him. Once they were settled, they cuddled gently.

"What happened after I passed out?" John asked quietly.

Dave thought for a moment. "They took you into the ER, and I passed out in the waiting area. Then the nurse brought me to you and that's it."

"What... happened to my dad?" John felt Dave tense a little and ran his hand through the blond's hair to try to keep him calm.

"They arrested him for child abuse."

John tried to let it all sink in and nodded once.

Dave's bro came back to town early to help with John's placement for when he would be released from the hospital. The nurse explained that Dave had offered for John to live with Dave and his bro since he couldn't live alone. Bro agreed to this and got the details of what had happened from a police officer who was helping situate the new temporary custody paperwork.

John was allowed to leave the hospital the Saturday before school got back in. Dave stayed at his side almost protectively the whole time. John thought it was cute.

After they left the hospital, they walked to John's house so that John could get some stuff to go live with Dave.

"I guess it's a good thing I don't have many clothes," John mused as they walked, hand in hand.

Dave didn't respond, he just smiled a little and squeezed his boyfriend's hand.

They walked to the door, trudging through the snow since no one had cleared it away, and John opened it. The house was cold and felt eerily empty. They quietly walked up to John's room. "I have a suitcase in my closet somewhere, I think." he dug through it while before finally pulling a good sized blue suitcase out and putting it open on his bed.

"What should I take..?"

"Clothes, toothbrush, school junk, anything you want," Dave said, looking around John's room.

John nodded and went to his dresser, unloading almost all his clothes into the suitcase and still having room. He put his heavy coats and a few sweaters in there. He got his few toiletries and even stuffed a blanket he had in there because Dave said that it was their 'cuddling blanket', trying to be cute.

John decided to leave his video games and pick them up after school one day since he was running out of room. He shoved his school books and papers in his backpack and looked around to see if he'd missed anything.

They were about to leave his room when John stopped and ran back to his bed. He pulled out a drawer from his nightstand and pulled a tattered bunny plush out of it.

"What is that?" Dave asked, looking at the rather dirty old stuffed animal.

"This is Liv Tyler!" John said, grinning.

"... John did you really name that rabbit after Liv Tyler?"

John laughed and looked at the bunny. "Yeah, I've had her for a really long time. I don't even remember when I got her or why I named her Liv, but she's like my favourite thing I own. I couldn't just leave her here!"

Dave smirked slightly. "How have I never seen her before?"

"I keep her in the drawer or in the closet when you come over so she doesn't get in the way. Besides, I wouldn't want to soil her pure mind if she were to see us making out or something.

Dave snorted. "No of course not." He picked up John's backpack and smiled in amusement.

John giggled, put Liv in his suitcase, and left the house with Dave.

They walked back to Dave's apartment complex, and Dave asked something they hadn't really talked about.

"So how long did that cop guy say you're gonna live with me?"

John stayed quiet for a moment. "Well... For as long as your bro says I can... and..."

"And?"

"And until they can track down my mom."


End file.
